


Your Faves are Problematic

by JackyJango



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: 5 Times, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Charles Xavier has a Ph.D in Adorable, Domestic Fluff, Erik Logic Is The Best Logic, Erik is a Sweetheart, Fluff and Crack, Genosha, M/M, Protective Erik, charles and erik are trolls, grumpy erik
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 10:38:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14306883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackyJango/pseuds/JackyJango
Summary: The Genoshan public knows the Professor and Magneto as veritable adversaries. As Mutant activists, Professor X and Magneto have rarely, or never, seen eye to eye on mutant issues and rights. They oppose and contradict each other even when they fight on the same side-- as rare as a blue moon that the occurrence is.What would have been benign arguments with anyone else turn into raging wars when these two are involved. Their infamous debate in the Parliament on the Mutant Registration Bill, though a thing of the past, is still on the common tongue.The press seems to love them; for when they share a screen-- or even breath the same air-- there’s no dearth of drama.





	Your Faves are Problematic

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ikeracity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikeracity/gifts).
  * Translation into 中文 available: [[授权翻译]Your Faves are Problematic你的最爱真的很成问题呀](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17633942) by [Shame_i_translate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shame_i_translate/pseuds/Shame_i_translate)



> Written for ikeracity’s prompt: “I get where you’re coming from, dude, but honestly shut the hell up and don’t speak about him/her that way”  
> Originally posted on tumblr **[here](https://jackyjango.tumblr.com/post/170986284363/i-get-where-youre-coming-from-dude-but-honestly)**
> 
> Any differences spotted between the two versions can be attributed the ghastliness of my atrocious grammar.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it!  
> Cheers!
> 
> The awesome [Midzukawa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midzukawa/pseuds/Midzukawa) was gracious enough to translate the fic into Russian- **[here](https://ficbook.net/readfic/6812641)**! :D  
>  Thanks again, pal!

       The Genoshan public knows the Professor and Magneto as veritable adversaries. As Mutant activists, Professor X and Magneto have rarely, or never, seen eye to eye on mutant issues and rights. They oppose and contradict each other  _ even  _ when they fight on the same side-- as rare as a blue moon that the occurrence is. With Magneto becoming the leader of the extremists’ club called ‘ _ The Brotherhood of Mutants _ ’, and the Professor’s followers declaring themselves as the ‘ _ X-Men _ ’, announcing Dr. Charles Xavier as their leader, their radically different viewpoints have made them something akin to cult figures. 

> ‘The young front of Mutant Politics,’ the Genoshan Daily reports.

What would have been benign arguments with anyone else turn into raging wars when these two are involved. Their infamous debate in the Parliament on the Mutant Registration Bill, though a thing of the past, is still on the common tongue. 

> ‘Things get very furious very fast with these Mutants,’ MP, Steve Rogers quips about Professor Xavier and Magneto.

The press seems to love them; for when they share a screen-- or even breath the same air-- there’s no dearth of drama.

When he's not the acclaimed HOD of Genetics at the Genoshan University, Professor Xavier is a socialite, the darling of the Genoshan elite club. His step-father, the late Kurt Marko, was a member of the Congress. His mother, the late Sharon Xavier-Marko, founded most of the charities in the country. However easy the Professor’s entry into the Parliament was, the Telepath quickly gained popularity, and became the leader of the Integrationalists by his cogency alone. He’s loved by subsets of the human and mutant population alike for this very quality. The Parliament, however, seem to love him for another reason entirely. For the reason that he’s their only shield against their abominable opponent, Magneto.

Magneto has a murky past-- more based in rags than in riches. His cryptic persona is a hit amongst the mutant youth, and paired with his choleric temperament and baritone voice, it has garnered him the support of the mutant masses. It is safe to state that the leader of the Separatists and Master Metalbender has street cred. That, however, hasn’t stopped him from making his presence felt in the Parliament from time to time. 

And when the Professor and Magneto come face to face, the Genoshan public is in for a treat, for their fights are nothing less than a display of fireworks.

-x-

They fight at home, too. Only here, they’re Charles and Erik, and their fights are the kind that come with a terrifying sense of domesticity.

‘Charles, I can’t find my other sock. Have you seen it?’ Erik shouts from the walk-in closet, scowling at the grey sock in his hand.

‘Just a minute,’ comes Charles' reply after a pause.

‘Keep scowling like that, and you’ll give yourself more wrinkles,’ says Charles as he walks into the room. He’s dressed in Erik’s track pants, and sports a pair of mismatched socks on his feet-- both in close variants of grey.

‘Keep stealing my socks like that, and you’ll make me an old man ahead of time,’ Erik retorts on spotting his missing pair.

‘Hey, you know my feet get cold quickly. Besides, it’s not my fault that you own only grey socks. It’s hard to differentiate.’

‘You have the same kind of tea with different names in ten different boxes. You don't see me complaining about it.’

'Just like I don't complain about your stupid hat collection that doesn't see the outside of the coat closet?’ 

‘Hey, firstly, they're not hats. Secondly-’ Erik stops and sniffs forcefully. ‘Something is burning on the stove.’

Charles’ eyes go wide in remembrance, and the alarmed  _ oh dear _ ricochets between their minds. They both run to the kitchen at once.

It’s mundanity at its best at the Xavier-Lehnsherr household.

*

With over three million followers-- and growing-- on each of their social media, the Professor and Magneto’s accounts quickly turn into combat zones without much instigation. While Professor Xavier-- a.k.a Professor X-- is well known for his diplomacy, the infamous Metalbender, Magneto, is celebrated for his ripostes. Their interesting dynamics have encouraged their followers to deride those on the other end. To add fuel to the fire, the Professor and Magneto choose to mutually censure each other publically. When the  _ Genoshan Mail _ asked for his opinion on Magneto rallying for Genosha to become an all-mutant state, the Professor had said:

> ‘Magneto is an impetuous narcissist. He can rally all he wants. It won’t change the fact the Genosha is for everyone.’

In 2016, the Professor made a verbal jab at Magneto’s suit and his lopsided cape.

> ‘It’s tacky and belongs to a circus,’ he had said.

Magneto himself has called the Professor ‘a naive fool’ on multiple occasions. Once during the UN Peace Summit no less.  

When asked about the Professor’s trust in the Government to pass a bill banning suppressants, Magneto has been reported to having said:

> ‘Professor Xavier is a pretentious know-it-all in a tweed suit. The fact that he’s an all-trusting fool on top of it will be doom of all mutants.’

Acting by their leader’s examples, several prominent heads from both the sides have indulged in verbal wars over the years, slamming the other down with slanderous comments.

The Professor and Magneto, however, seem to hold the rights to mutually disparage each other just to themselves. When Mark Blackwell had asked the Professor on how he felt being associated with a supremacist monster like Magneto on  _ Follow the leader _ , the Professor’s outburst had stunned the filming crew-- and the larger part of the population when the show was aired.

> ‘No man is a monster, Mr. Blackwell. And certainly not Magneto. He might be an extremist and blunt in his approach, but his intentions have never swayed from Mutant equality. Please choose your words more carefully in the future.’

The Professor’s furious blue eyes had reminded one and all that inciting the ire of an omega-level telepath isn’t the wisest idea.

Magneto, too, has made it clear that he isn’t the one to fall behind. The proposal for a dynamic medical insurance scheme for those with extreme and physical mutations had taken the mutant community by storm. Magneto had cried that the scheme was a sham in a rather colourful language, and the Professor had assured that the Government was amicable for negotiations. The  _ Genoshan Broadcasting Network _ had brought the two leaders and their supporters for a Prime time face-off, witnessed by audience from all fragments of society. The steady stream of subtitles on the screen had run through several speeches and arguments.

With the last half hour of the show dedicated to audience questions, a mutant by the name of Leech had taken the stand behind the microphone, and had thrown his question at the Professor.

> ‘Give this stupid scheme a chance? Trust the Government to treat us fairly? Look at me, Professor,’ he had said, pointing to his green skin and overly large head, ‘Do you think a hospital would be willing to take me in if not for monetary benefit? An entitled mutant like you will never understand the plight of the likes of us. Who are you to fight for our rights? What have you done for us other than looking pretty and writing fancy books? Hell, why do we need an enemy on the outside when scums like you are amongst us?’

Magneto had snapped immediately, face stony and voice as hard as iron,

> ‘I get where you’re coming from, dude. But honestly, shut the hell up and don’t speak about him that way. Charles Xavier has done more for mutants than you’ll never know.’

Though the transcript on the display had read ‘hell’, members of the audience had heard it differently-- something the network chose to politely omit.

> ‘That still doesn’t stop them from calling each other names,’ observes comedian, Remi Lebeau.

-x-

On their sofa, Charles turns in Erik’s arms to face the latter. The thick blanket that is careless 

thrown over their laps wrinkles with the action. Here, too, they call each other names-- if endearments and sweet nothings could be categorised thus.

‘You didn’t have to break his camera, darling. He was only doing his job,’ Charles scolds mildly.

Erik rolls his eyes. ‘I didn't break it. Just disabled it. Besides, he wasn’t doing his job. He was condemning you.’

Charles sighs. ‘Why won’t you listen to me when I tell you that I can defend my own virtue?’

‘My point precisely,  _ liebling _ ,’ Erik takes Charles’ hand and interlaces their fingers. ‘You can, but you don’t. So I don’t care how many times you prohibit me to, I’ll do it-’ Erik pulls Charles close and whispers against his lips ‘-because I love you.’

Charles looks at Erik then like he’d handed him the moon, and brings their foreheads together. ‘I love you, too,’ he coos.

‘Not more than me, no,’ Erik says shaking his head against Charles’ petulantly.

‘You’re such a child, Erik,’ Charles says chuckling fondly. ‘A six foot child.’

‘With a nine inch dick,’ Erik completes.

Charles looks bemused when he pulls back-- torn between laughing over and punching Erik. 

He settles for punching Erik in the ribs.

*

With all the hype that surrounds the Professor and Magneto, little, or nothing, is known about their personal lives. It’s only business when these two mutants are in the  _ Primetime Bulletin _ . While a golden band has made the Professor’s ring finger its permanent residence, what resides under the metal bender’s leather clad hands remains a mystery.

A small fraction of the society, however, stick to the notion that the two were, or are, involved. To unveil to what capacity, is the goal of their mission. A steady stream of blogs run on the world wide web that decrypt their speeches and catalogue their appearances against plausible theories of their coupling.

> ‘They’re fucking for sure,’ says Kitty Pryde (24), founder of  _ Ishipprofessorxandmagneto.com _ . ‘The fact that the Professor is married be damned.’

Professor Xavier has been evasive on the topic-- neither confirming nor denying the rumours of a significant other.

When Syrin confronted Magento for  _ mutantlove.com _ , the Metalbender responded, 

> ‘Whom I fuck or don’t fuck is none of anybody’s business.’

Very few have dared to publically broach the topic after that.

-x-

Charles sighs standing at the foot of their king sized bed. ‘I thought we decided not to get presents, love.’

‘It’s not a present. I saw this, and thought that it would look good on you.’ Erik says as Charles picks up the lilac sweater laid out on the comforter. The label reads: ‘Happy 10th Wedding Anniversary, Charles’. The telepath holds it to his torso and smoothens his hands along the soft wool. ‘Look, it even brings out your eyes,’ Erik says with a pleased smile.

Charles places the sweater on the bed carefully and closes the distance between them by looping his arms around Erik’s neck. ‘That’s cheating, because I didn’t get you anything,’ he drawls. 

Erik circles his arms around Charles’ waist and pulls him impossibly close. ‘You’re more than enough,’ he says with a dreamy smile.

‘Romantic!’ Charles giggles.

‘No, I’m not.’

‘Yes, you are!’

‘Absolutely not!’

‘Do you want to fight me on this one, too,’ Charles aks with raised brows.

Erik grins with far too many teeth. ‘Only if it’s foreplay.’

*

The Professor, with his Oxford education and the three PhDs that come with it, is regarded highly amongst the intellectuals. His students often see him in frumpy cardigans and floppy hair. But on the rare occasions when he chooses to grace the red carpet to raise funds for charity, he’s a dashing vision in bespoke tuxedos and styled hair. His rather charming personality, posh British accent and manners complete the ‘gentleman’ image of Charles Francis Xavier. His ‘No Violence’ policy only ramps it up to higher levels.

His students, colleagues, and acquaintances have nothing but high praises to offer about the good professor.

> ‘Charles is the kindest man I know,’ says Dr, Moira MacTaggart, HOD of Criminal Law at the Genoshan University. 
> 
> ‘We love the Professor. He’s been a guiding light in many of our lives,’ says Jubilee, a student in Professor Xavier’s  _ Mutations  _ class. When asked what vexes the Professor the most, she laughs. ‘Expletives. He hates them!’

-x-

‘Fuck…’ Charles moans impatiently below Erik-- his skin flushed and hair disheveled-- and levels a smack to Erik’s backside.

‘What was that for?’ Erik asks cluelessly, eyes wide and mouth ajar. 

‘Come on, Erik, move. Put your back into it, and use your dick,’ Charles growls, bringing his hand up to twist it in Erik’s hair.

‘ _ Mein Gott _ , Charles,’ Erik gasps out in mock indignation. ‘What a dirty little mouth you have.’

‘It’s the same mouth that sucks your dick and kisses you every morning. Unless you want to change any of that, shut up and fuck me.’

That puts an end to Erik’s line of rejoinders. ‘Yes, your Highness,’ he groans and promptly complies.

*

Very few to none have seen the man behind Magneto’s helmet. The image of his Maroon bodysuit backed by his lopsided cape, however, has become the definition of the Government’s nightmare. The Press and the media in general have an on and off love affair with the Metalbender. One one hand, he can shoot their TRPs skywards with his instigating speeches that move the masses and sets them afoot. On the other hand, he can break their cameras and recorders when it pleases him, leaving them as eyewitnesses for their own news.

While a devoted fragment of the society worships him as their hero-- embodying his moto of ‘Mutant and Proud’, and willing to follow him to the ends of the world-- not many are pleased by Magneto’s violent approach to solving issues.

> ‘You can love him or hate him. But you can never ignore him,’ says Claire Ferguson, host of the  _ Late Late Show _ .

His displays of his powers have simultaneously induced awe and terror in many.

> ‘I’m terrified of him,’ says Samuel Wilson, recalling the time when he had simply watched in horror as Magneto uplifted a football stadium. ‘The man can melt metal for fuck’s sake!’

-x-

In the kitchen, Erik melts a bar of dark chocolate and stirs it steadily. On the counter, a metal sheet bends in the shape of a heart. A red gift wrap and ribbon lie still to be used.

‘Where is my husband, and what have you done with him?’ Charles deadpans when Erik enters the study with the box in hand. 

Erik chuckles and floats the box to Charles. ‘Happy Valentine’s Day,  _ liebling _ .’

Charles beams, but just to be difficult, he adds: ‘Aren't we a little too old to be celebrating Valentines’?’

Erik walks to Charles’ side. ‘That reminds me. What do the kids ask these days?’ He makes a show of thinking, and with a smouldering smile, asks: ‘Will you be my Valentine, Charles?’

Charles laughs and pulls Erik in by grabbing the fabric of his shirt. ‘You old fool, I already am,’ he says fondly, and crashes their mouths in a searing kiss.

*

They’re either furiously fighting, or passionately making love. There seems to be no in-betweens for these two mutants.

-

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading ! :D  
> Also, [JackyJango](https://jackyjango.tumblr.com) on Tumblr!


End file.
